Danger Ahead: The Friend Zone
Over the years I have collected as many male friends as I have shoes, and trust me fellas, I have an awful lot of shoes. Some of them have come and gone like the wind while others had stuck around for the long haul. But one of the more interesting things that I have noticed is that 95% of my close male friends have confessed to wanted to be intimate with me at some point or another. I find this interesting because many of such men, I never knew had taken an interest in me. I had cast them ideally aside in the friend zone. And trust me guys, you NEVER want to enter the friend zone with a women that you are interested in.
Sometimes “the zone” is kind of like quick sand. You take that first step and before you know it, your in over you head, and begging for help. Well no need to fear, Sela is here to help you with all of your emotional hang-ups. But first thing first, if you are already engulfed in the “the zone” this article is not for you. Watch out for part II and I’ll help you dig your way out of the messy friendship system that you have fallen prey to. This one here is strictly for my guys who want to stray away from such female trappings.
Now, I want to make one thing very clear, many women do not intend to place you in “the zone”. It is not their way of using their sexual prowess over your helpless male bodies to torture you; it comes down to three things: miscommunication, greed, and attraction. First let’s start off with my personal favorite: Miscommunication. When getting to know a girl it is very important that you express your intentions. And no I don’t mean that you should tell your date that you want to sleep with her on the first date to get this across. Many times when men and women meet outside of a stereotypical ‘date’ setting, men have the ability to fall into “the zone”. For some reason, when outside of the realm of dating, women tend to discolor everyone else into a beige colored blob of friendliness. I know, it’s a serious issue guys, but we’re working one it (at least I am). So when getting to know a girl let her know that you are interested. You don’t have to come right out and say ‘will you be my girlfriend?’ like we’re at recess in the 5th grade. But rather try something along the lines of ‘You know, I think I’m really starting to like you’. This little instance it an opener, it gives way for her to express what she is thinking about you. If the reason doesn’t seem mutual, then you may be missing the next factor: attraction.
I would love to tell all you guys out there that attraction is not important, but I would be a bug liar, and I pride myself on not lying (to your face at least ? ) Attraction is a huge part of not falling into “the zone”. I have never met a woman who was attracted to a man and vice versa, who allowed them to become a friend. It just doesn’t happen all that often. What seems to happen often when men become ‘friends’ is that the women is attracted to the man’s wits, humor, and demeanor, but are blindsided by their physical or their occupation. And I’m sorry to say, but neither of these are really practical to change for a woman. Attraction is something that you can feel, almost instantly, so if you don’t feel it, you have a big decision to make. You can either push ahead and hope to form the attraction (trust me it can be done) or if you have no desire to fall into “the zone” you can walk away. I can’t make hat decision for you, I guess it all boils down to the quality of the girl you are dealing with.
Last but not least is the aspect of greed in “the zone”. I don’t mean monetary greed, but rather emotional greed. Many women keep male friends because they are then allowed to gain the best of both worlds. They can date around, yet still have “the one” whop gets them emotionally waiting in the wings. In order to combat this, you have to become unavailable. As much as you may want to spend time with her and talk about her bad date, you must resist. In stead I want you to do something that I usually don’t condone: lie. And lie big. Tell her that you have a date of your own, but will get at her when you are finished. But make sure that you do not call her that night, wait until later the next day. It seems like a simple move that will get you nowhere, but trust me it will get you everywhere and then some. If you are her “go to guy” she will be more than a little jealous that another woman is taking the attention that she usually gets. This jealously has the ability to transform you from a “friend” to a potential partner in her eyes. But the most important part is to let her know this “I wanted to hang out with you, but you had that date, so I just made plans of my own”. Here is where intentions also come into play. Let your intentions be known while the emotion flood gates are open.
And if she still does not budge, then you can either become a good lifelong friend with a crush, or bounce, once again establish, its about the quality of the girl and weather or not you think she is worth the wait. Till next time, keep you feet dry and stay out the “friend zone”